I have never been large-chested – I have always been of the smaller breasted variety. A boob job was out of the question for me so I just thanked the Lord for giving me at least a little boobage and went on with my life.
When I got pregnant for Willow, I remember thinking, HOLY BIKINI STUFFERS! The girls literally exploded and I finally realized what the hype was around the big guns. I was in head lamp heaven. (See pic in pink shirt for proof, this is when I was 18 weeks pregnant…. GINORMO-BOOBS for me!)
(Yes, I am purposely trying to use every breast metaphor and nickname possible.)
I was overflowing out of my regular bras and even the nursing bras I purchased early on got snug around the nine month mark. I remember stretching shirts out like nobody’s business and I know I walked around like I was Pamela Anderson during the last few months of pregnancy. It just felt awesome to have such a curvaceous top shelf.
After my daughter was born, I knew that I wanted to breastfeed. I just had no idea what engorgement was and what it was about to do to my boobs. I remember when my milk came in being in AGONY. It hurt so terribly that I tried everything in the book to reduce the engorgement and just have normal boobs again (oh hindsight, you really are 20/20).
In case you’re wondering what engorgement looks like during breastfeeding, I’ve got a photo… and a video if you prefer that!
After weaning Willow from breastfeeding at 26-months, I suffered through a short period of engorgement where my boobs re-exploded. I was smarter now though and I knew to send my husband out on a grocery store cabbage run. After he returned, I applied the cabbage leaves and the next day the engorgement was gone. And so were my boobs. No seriously. They were gone (maybe they got soaked up into the cabbage leaves?)
Since weaning her a few months ago, I feel like my breasts are now caving inward. I don’t think you can really have concave breasts but mine are trying super hard. I hate that my body parts are over-achievers. They should just settle down and leave that bit to me. It’s like they were in a contest to win the largest boobs and now that they’ve achieved that goal, they are now contesting to win smallest boobs of life. Microscopic even.
It’s not only the breast size that changed… my boobs are now like… gravity’ed. Once the mass inside went away, they fell limply. It’s kind of like they are saying, “WE ARE DONE… YOU TORTURED US LONG ENOUGH” and they literally gave up. It would be amazeballs if they made a breast pump (not that kind of breast pump, I have a Medela thank you very much) but one that could re-inflate them.
I won’t even tell you all what happens when I lay flat on my back. Well, I guess I just did… let’s just say that it ain’t pretty and I do NOT feel feminine in the least.
So yes… I’ve enjoyed the breastfeeding experience but sort of wish that weaning Willow didn’t mean saying goodbye to my breasts. It would have been nice to keep a little bit of the heft in my hooters but alas, it’s gone.
Anyone else experience the post-weaning breast annihilation or am I completely, utterly and forever alone in this?
P.S. – Because I know SOMEONE will say it, I am not saying that there is anything wrong with small bewbs. I have lived with them my entire life. I love small breasts as they are easy to carry around, don’t get in the way and you can wear them with a wide variety of clothing and not have to worry about ’em. I am simply mourning my giant-sized boobs that I had for a very short time in my life. Mmkay?