I have been going through some hard, heavy and really thick life stuff lately and it has caused my SOUL to become irritated. How does one’s soul become irritated? Well, I can guarantee that you’ve felt the symptoms of it before…
- Not wanting to talk about yourself, your feelings or your situation
- Mis-directed or mis-guided anger at places that are unusual for you
- A feeling of stuck-ness and an anger toward that stuck-ness
- Feeling ambivalent toward the things you usually are passionate about
It really spewed forth a few days ago when I was chatting with my bestie on Facebook. She asked how I was doing, in the throes of these not-so-fun times, and I said that I didn’t want to talk about myself… I was just done with focusing so much on how stuck I was in my current situation and how little I could do about it. I sort of snapped at her a bit and instantly felt terrible for it.
I sat for a moment and looked inward.
What was happening? What was I really feeling? Why did I snap at her when she was only asking me if I was okay because she loved me and wanted the best for me? What was wrong with me?
As I sat there, I realized that my SOUL felt irritated.
This wasn’t just a matter of my head feeling cloudy, confused or frustrated or my hormones or emotions being completely on fire… this was a feeling that my soul – the deepest part of me – was in a place of unease and was feeling restless.
In my current life, there are pieces of it that are out of balance. I’ve been here before – back when I used to see my psychotherapist – and I’m back in therapy again (this time it’s relationship-based therapy) – so I know what this imbalance does to my being but it doesn’t make it any easier to deal with.
When I am feeling like everything is out of control, the only thing I can do is attempt to bring it all back to heart centre.
Breathe in, breathe out.
But mostly, I need to remember to be vocal about how I’m feeling to the people around me. To tell them, “Hey, I just snapped at you but it has nothing to do with you. Here’s what I’m going through and here’s how I’m dealing with it… even if it isn’t the best or most appropriate way. My soul is irritated right now but I’m working hard at getting back to the centre of myself.”
And when I’m vocal about it, when I tell people the vulnerable side of what’s going on and what I’m feeling, it often means that they can be at peace with knowing I’m okay and at the same time, I can have the time and space I need to heal myself and what is going on in my life.
Until my soul calms down, you can find me doing a shit ton of yoga in attempts to breathe out the irritation…